I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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