I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
