Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
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Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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