at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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