I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me