i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.