why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now