he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
