I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life