i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.