i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
