on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
