I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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