doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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