Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
