Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
