We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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