turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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