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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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