girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
