you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
