he puts the penis in happiness.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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