this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
