how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
