Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
