I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
