I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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