Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
