i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
