I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
