i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
