I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
