I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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