theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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