You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
