Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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