those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
