I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
