Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
