Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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