We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
