Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
