It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
