i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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