i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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