I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So vagazzling was a success
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