Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
