I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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