i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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