i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
