In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
