Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
