and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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