It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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