carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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