can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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