dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
