We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
