Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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