I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
