I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize