i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
