Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
