well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
