I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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