I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
