FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
