I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
