If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
