Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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