Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize