Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
