people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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