Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
