I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
