I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
