He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
