last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no you cant smoke seaweed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
