Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
