i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
