Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
