all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
