I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
