god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Plan B is the new Plan A
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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